long live the subjunctive

There’s a fantastic feature on the NYT’s Times Topics blog called After Deadline, which explores questions of grammar, usage, and style as encountered by NYT writers and editors.

Today’s topic happens to be one of my favorite: the subjunctive mood.

Corbett writes:

It’s confusing, it’s widely ignored and in most cases it’s indistinguishable from other verb forms. So should we give up on the subjunctive mood? I say, no!

Hear, hear! He then goes on to note a couple of recent missteps by the Times, including:

Google, the leader in Web search services and advertising, argues that if reading news online was closer to the experience of scanning through physical newspapers or magazines, people would read more.

Generally use the subjunctive for a hypothetical condition: “if reading news online were closer.” (Or make it all indicative: “If reading news online IS closer … people WILL read more.)

It seems that pop songs are among the worst offenders when it comes to subjunctive misuse. For instance, take “Don’t Cha” by the Pussycat Dolls. When they say “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me,” what they really mean to say is “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend were hot like me.” As if I needed another reason to hate this song.

The list of abuses goes on:

• What if God was one of us (Joan Osbourne, “One of Us”)
• I wish I was beautiful (Counting Crows, “Mr. Jones”)
• Damn, I wish I was your lover (Sophie B. Hawkins, “Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover”)
• I'd like to think if I was I would pass (The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, “The Impression That I Get”)
• I wish I was special (yes, even my beloved Radiohead, “Creep”)
• If only I was sure (The Cure, “Close to Me”)
• If I was to say to you girl we couldn't get much higher (The Doors, “Light My Fire”)

It's just like me to dwell on the negative. Can anyone name a song that actually uses the subjunctive correctly?

Here are some resources for further reading:

Subjunctivitis
Subjunctive (from Garner's Modern American Usage)
Grammar Girl: Subjunctive Verbs

Also, the delightful animal alphabet poster up top comes from Lorena Siminovich at Petit Collage.